Rewind!
by MrWriterWriter
Summary: Thanks to Destiny, Fate, and Dumbledore's meddling, Harry is now dead. At least until Order and Chaos decide to even the odds and send him back..with a few upgrades, of course.
1. Chapter 1

**You guys can blame this one on the cola and frosted flakes I was eating when I wrote it. It's sort of a tribute to all those who have done a "Harry goes back in time' but instead of making things perfect, decides "Screw this! I'm gonna have some fun!" Kickass/take name and no prisoners/Harry**

_**Rewind!**_

Ch.1

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He watched the small orb flutter around in the palm of his hand, jolting erratically and letting out a violent buzz. As amusing at it seemed, the one holding the orb was far from entertained. Dressed in what looked to be an Armani suit that was half bleached..as in one side stark white, the other jet black. Even his hair, (parted straight down the middle) shared the color scheme. The desk he sat at had a unusual symmetry to it; two lamps, two pads of paper, even two fully loaded pen holders. both halves were a perfect mirror image of each other. "Those twits really did it this time."

The orb, which had been buzzing for quite a while now, finally began to lose steam, the buzzing replaced by a few angry flashes before it came to a halt. The bright red glow it had during all this was replaced with a dismal grey.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Oddly enough, each strand fell right back into its exact place. Even though this wasn't exactly part of his job description, it was the end result of interference by a fair number of individuals.

His name was Order; tasked with keeping a certain level of balance in the world. And the orb in his hand happened to be a soul.

The soul of one Harry James Potter to be exact. By now you're probably wondering what happened; well, dying right before you're about to lose your virginity isn't exactly something to be proud of. Shortly after the final defeat of Tom Riddle, A.K.A He-Who-Has-Too-Many-Damn-Hyphens-In-His-Name, Harry learned that Luna Lovegood had been carrying a torch for him for a fair bit of school. The duo went out a few times before deciding to consummate the relationship. Unfortunately, what he didn't know was that Albus Dumbledore, in a rather misguided and pretentious attempt to ensure Harry stayed 'in the Light', had performed a bonding ritual shortly into his third year between him and the daughter of his two most loyal followers; Ginny Weasley.

As it turns out, bonding rituals, especially the more illegal ones that don't require the consent of both participants, can be a real pain in the ass; as Harry found out when the bond designated him as breaking it for shagging another girl. Since the ritual used was rather subtle and Ginny was the party present for it, she only one aware of it. Dumbledore had instructed her to tell him they were to be wed after Voldemort's defeat. However, in her excitement and general fangirl-ness, it slipped her mind and Harry paid the price: keeled over at Nineteen before he even got to hear Luna's first moan.

That brings us back to where the story begins. Order had gotten wind that one of his siblings, Destiny, had picked Harry to be the one to deal with Voldemort. (Why she did that instead of getting the old geezer to do it, he wondered is he'd ever find out). She had caused Trelawney to utter the prophecy and Dumbledore ran with it. The little ninny had even brought Fate in to the mess to ensure he was the one to face Riddle. Combined with competing with an old man that thought a bit too highly of himself, and it boiled down to a micromanaging fiasco that screwed up several lives and forced Chronos to rework multiple future generations.

If it was one thing Order couldn't tolerate, it was meddling. Even his brother, Chaos, considered it unacceptable. It was one thing to provide aid and make suggestions; but outright deciding peoples lives without their knowledge or permission was seriously uncalled for. It was because of that that he was listening to the currently deceased 'Boy-Who-Lived', and he was, for lack of a better term, royally pissed when he learned why and how he died.

The orb did a half-hearted jolt and flicker before coming to a complete stop in his hand. "I know. This was not how Chronos figured your life turning out. He intended you to pass on after seeing your fourth great-grandchild.

He recieved another buzz, "Not if I have anything to say about it. Those two KNOW better than to interfere with the mortal world like that. "

A couple of slight bounces followed by a blink, "There is one way, but it was deemed only usable when there's proof of a severe fubar."

"You're talkin' 'bout a Rewind, aren't ya?" A somewhat nasal voice piped up nearby. It belonged to a man in an armni suit as well, except half the right leg was gone and the left arm was absent. What was left was a blinding mix of purple, orange, green and brown. His hair was the same; a buzzcut on one side, a spiky blue and indigo striped Half-Afro on the other. "What's to prove? Fate and Destiny had no business messin' with the kid. They even tried to overturn some of Lady Luck's choices for him, and even I wouldn't piss Luck off."

Order glanced over as his brother, "That's the thing, Chaos. Even if Chronos agrees, those two'll be right back at it."

"Then I say we cheat." Chaos stated, a rather evil grin on his face, "They've already played dirty: allowing people to die unnecessarily, manipulating his emotions. The Boss is pretty annoyed with their antics too. So it's only fair we do the same. We'll just be leveling the field. We gear him up and make sure he has more than a fighting chance"

Order's eyebrows almost levetated off his forehead, "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" A grin matching Chaos' slowly made its way onto his face before he looked at Harry's soul, "Looks like you're getting your second chance after all."

"Yeah, and no more Mr. Nice Wizard!" Chaos cackled, watching the orb start glowing a brighter hue. "Ok, Bro. You think up what to give him, I'll go talk to Time-Boy and see if he'll go along with it."

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Cliche's, cliche's, lovely cliche's!

Yes, this will be badassHarry, also loud, rude, smartassed, and a bit of a pervert. There will generous bashings and plenty of general sillyness. It will be Harry/Luna, but if anyone can provide a good reason, I may add one other.

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Yes, the other storys are still being worked on. (getting the beginning of a chapter just how I like it seems to take forever sometimes)


	2. Chapter 2

**Blah, blah, legal junk here, blah, blah, blah**

Ch 2.

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"Lemme see...Silent casting, apperating, what else?" Order ran a pen over the list they were making. It had taken Chaos a bit of convincing (saying 'Pretty Please?' over and over till Chronos gave in just to shut him up.) but they got the ok to perform the Rewind. Though they were only allowed to send him back a decade at most. Now they were busy looking for something to send back with him to give him a fighting chance.

"A built-in Bullshit Detector? Never hurts to tell when someone's trying to feed you a load."

"That works...ooh, double-jointed. Can never be too limber. "

"Animagus!" He looked at the orb floating nearby, "How's kangaroo sound? They have a wicked-ass kick." Harry's soul hummed for a second before blinking in confirmation

"And Metamorph. Imagine how many people you'd get to screw with. I thought of adding Animetamorph...you know, turning body parts into animal ones, but I did that once; poor guy forgot his hands were tiger paws and tried to scratch an itch...ouchie..."

The two bantered a few more ideas, with occasional responses from Harry's soul, before Order rolled the list up and sighed, "Looks like that's it, any idea what point we should send him back?"

"I'm figuring the day that Hagrid guy came to get him. Think that'll work?" The orb let out a buzz that sounded like 'ok'

"Guess that settles it." Chaos proceeded to take out what looked like an empty film reel, except it was bright purple and glowing. "One Return Token, primed and ready to go. Give'em hell, Harry!" He said, tossing it over to the orb, which vanished with a ping when they made contact.

Order let out a sigh of accomplishment, "And so it begins. Wanna go watch Destiny have a hissy fit when the fun starts?"

"I'll get the beer and pretzels!"

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No.4 Privit Drive; 2:55 A.M. Little Whinging, Surrey.

Inside the house, unknown to one Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley Dursley, the stairs leading to the second story had begun to creak rapidly, though the triple chorus of band saws in the bedrooms drowned it out. Soon the door of what used to be Dudley's spare bedroom started shaking, almost vibrating it's hinges free of the wood, followed by an ominous-looking blue glow coming from inside that could be seen in the space under the door, growing brighter by the second until an audible 'THUMP' was heard

"Ow! Shit, they didn't say say anything about it stinging like a bitch!" Grumbled an irked, and very much alive, Harry Potter, as he picked himself up off the floor. The second he realized his new surroundings, he he had to stop himself from letting lose with a mix of whooping at being back, and cussing like a drunk at remembering he was back at the Dursley's.

"Ok, calm down, Harry." He told himself, "First off, gotta get the hell outta here, second.." He stopped and noticed Both Dumbles AND Destiny can take that 'Chosen' bull and stuff it." It took him a few minutes to dislodge the bedroom window without waking up the uglies nearby. The moment it gave, he was scrambling out and using the gutter to slide down. As soon as he reached bottom, he recalled some of the improvements Order and Chaos gave him and a large marsupial was bounding down the road and disappeared into the night a few moments later.

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Chronos snorted as he got to work redoing the timeline. He let out an even louder one when Destiny's shriek of "What the bloody hell's happened to my Chosen One!?" reached him.

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Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and wizardry; 2:57 A.M.

Albus Dumbledore's office, home to numerous former headmaster/mistress portraits and magical items. Most noted would be the Sorting Hat, responsible for placing thousands of children into the school's four houses.

Though, right now, it wasn't really concerned with any of that right now; both it and a large red and gold bird that was sitting on a perch near the desk were both watching a set of small silver doodads as they, for lack of a better term, had a collective shit-fit. Some were spasming wildly, throwing out noises like someone fighting with a case of the squirts..and losing. The commotion began to intensify before all nine items rocketed off in different directions. The bird was forced to duck and cover as one zipped right over its head.

By a chance of luck, two of the sudden missiles managed to find themselves a target that fared worse then they did. Whether that's good or bad is still up for discussion since that target happened to be the headmaster, who picked that moment to open the door in his attempt to see what was going on. One thundered right into his poorly protected giblets while the other ricocheted off his noggin as he clutched his now squished little buddies.

The sorting hat looked on and could only say one thing before the man went down, "Do it again, Albus, that was funny!"

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Ottery St. Catchpole; 3:01 A.M. The Lovegood residence

Even by wizarding standards it could be deemed rather unique; considering it looked like a giant stone chess piece. Inside a bedroom on the upper floor. Its occupant, Luna Lovegood yawned and sleepily opened a silver-grey eye, brushing a few strands of blonde hair out of the way. She looked towards the window before she let out a giggle and smiled, snuggling back down under the covers.

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Liverpool, Same time. The Granger Home.

A half moon could be seen through a bedroom window, slightly illuminating the room a bit. With it, the face of slumbering Hermione Jane Granger, who shifted around slightly and let out a faint murmur..

"I missed you, Harry."

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Hm, something be afoot.

Never found anything stating exactly where the Grangers actually lived, so I used the first thing I could think of.

Considering there've been so many suggestions as to the third participant, I'm contemplating making it a harem. Plus, I might upgrade to Super/Harry. (This will be primarily humor so I'd say that's a given. And like I said, I will be going nuts with the cliche's)

Shout out to ReflectionsOfReality for suggesting some of the abilites to give Harry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, it looks like I'm causing a bit of confusion with the point Harry returned. I put him back on the day in question, it's just in the early morning hours. It could probably also be considered the day before since Hagrid didn't show until Midnight (technically when the next day really begins) I'm not really sure how long the trip was, so I'm just assuming it was a 4-5 hour drive** **at best. **

Ch.3.

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Dumbledore winced as he left the infirmary, he refused to tell Madame Pomfy that his marbles were smacked by one of the devices he had locked on Harry Potter so he use the first thing that came to mind and told her he accidentally sat on them. She had done what she could (and doing her best not to laugh), but in the end she advised him to go easy and be care from now on since he had no intention of going to St. Mungo's in his current condition. With an ice pack cradled at the front of his robes, he began the slow, and highly uncomfortable journey back to his office to figure out what the blazes caused it.

Unfortunately, his maimed manhood would be the least of his worries when he got there.

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"Finally, a day where I get to wake up on my own." Harry stretched, the early morning sun peeking out over the trees of the garden he had snuck into to spend the night. Being a 'roo definitely had its advantages; in little less than an hour and he was a good ten miles away. He couldn't resist grinning as he imagined his 'dear' Auntie's face when she realized she'd have to get off her bony arse and fix the whales' breakfast herself. Thankfully the garden had a couple of fruit trees so his appetite was sated easily.

As he polished off his second apple, he noticed something on the ground where he had been sleeping. It looked like one of those metal briefcases you see in sci-fi and spy flicks. Whatever it was, it sure as hell wasn't there the night before. A closer look showed writing had been scratched onto the lid.

"What in bloody hell..?" He muttered, looking at the message.....

_'Harry, open this up as soon as you see it. Consider it an early birthday present._

_Order.'_

"Well, that explains where it came from. Might as well see what it is." He said, popping open the latch. At first he had expected possibly a few books or even some cash. What he saw caused his new metamorph skill to kick in slightly, throwing a bit of purple in with the black. His eyes landed on the letter inside. It was in Order's handwriting as well;

_'Harry, Chaos managed to find this stashed away and figured you could put it to good use. At first he wanted to add the Necronomicon, but Death threatened to hang us both up by our eyelids if she learned another Candarian demon was let out again_

_'This is the Technomage Conbat/Assualt System. It was designed in the U.S a couple of years ago at the Institute of Arcane Technology; sort of the Wizard version of M.I.T, for magical law enforcement. We managed to get ahold of the prototype after it deemed too expensive to mass produce due to the materials used in it's construction. _

_BTW, Destiny's already throwing a tantrum about you not being where you're supposed to, but this time it looks like Fate learned her lesson after we had a 'talk', so she won't be in on it this time _

_'Anyway, I guess I better tell you a little about the gear; first off, when you first put it on, everything will calibrate to your DNA and magic signature. The security feature we added will keep people from touching the equipment without your ok. Chaos is hoping someone does try just so he can laugh his ass off at them._

_'We'll go from the top down. The visor is composed of high density mana crystal, designed to act like a one-way mirror; even Alistor Moody's eye won't be able to see into it but you'll have a perfectly clear view. It's also set to double as a regular pair of prescription glasses, something I'm sure you'll welcome, along with a basic version of mage-sight, letting you see if something's been charmed or warded, and variable x-ray vision up to 12 yards. Plus, while you have them on, they provide a natural barrier against people like Dumble and Greasy from peeking into your mind, at least until you cam create addition security yourself. We would have given you Occlumency, but fooling with the mortal mind is a big no-no for me and Chaos. The earpieces carry a universal translator that can work on anything from Spanish to Mermish. Just tap the hinge and say the language you want. Their also charmed for indestructibility and self-cleaning.'_

He removed the visor and let out an appreciate whistle. It was surprisingly stylish-looking, the lenses and bridge were a single piece. The ear pieces were attached directly to the lens and the whole thing was a rich dark blue, mirror-like sheen on the outside. He quickly removed his own and slipped them on, feeling a slight vibration before he found himself looking at everything with full clarity, "Now this is effing sweet." He grinned, throwing his old ones away into a nearby bin and going to the next item.

_'Now the bracers are the really cool part. Their a mithril/chromium alloy with an embedded mana crystal circutry matrix, heavily enchanted to grow with the wearer and to increase their durability. Once they calibrate and record you, they work in conjunction with the bodysuit to tap directly into your core and neurological system to provide a focus bridge for your magic. In other words, they act as twin wands and since their worn, their impervious to disarming spells. Because they tap directly into you, your only real limitation is the number of spells you know. To cast, just think of the spell you want and draw on your magic. A little practice and you can machine gun them. _

_One more thing, the crystals carry their own magic stores, both bracers can throw up a high-power variant energy shield, capable of blocking most spells and some solid objects. The designers claimed they can withstand a blast of dragonfire, but I doubt you'd be willing to test that.'_

A demented cackle escaped the dark-haired boy's lips as he looked at the bracers. Both were a bright chrome color with what looked like a row of rounded diamonds on the top, each other letting out a faint, multicolored pulse of light every few seconds. They also extended out some, apparently to protect the back of the hand. All in all, it gave off a rather streamlined look.

_'Last, but definitely not least, is the bodysuit. Cured dual-layered dragon hide sandwiching a mithril reinforcement mesh, proving increased protection. The mithril also acts to distribute a strength-amplification rune set, capable of boosting you close to vampire levels. It also carries an adjustable glamour charm, so you can hide it behind regular clothes. The inside layer is lined with climate control runes to keep things comfortable inside, along with several self-cleaning charms. I know from experience, chafing in the stuff is REALLY unpleasant. For security purposes, the suit's zipper is set with a transfiguration mark, once zipped up, it vanishes into one solid piece until you're ready to take it off._

_'Well, that's about it. All I can say in conclusion is: kick some ass iand take names, Harry!_

_'Order_

_P.S. The instruction manual is tucked in the right boot'_

The suit itself was one piece, minus the boots, and was the same shade of blue as the glasses, with a black metal zipper. Without another word, Harry discarded the baggy hand-me-downs and pulled the suit on. It and the bracers performed the save vibration before resizing themselves to fit. Even though it was dragon, the suit was highly comfortable; he couldn't resist letting out a happy groan when he pulled the boots on, those piecemealed sneakers of his had NOTHING on these babies.

He quickly binned the clothes and managed to transfigure the case into an empty paintcan before taking his leave to find a secluded place to at least read on how to work the suit's glamour.

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"What do you mean you aren't going to help me again!?" Destiny snapped, not believing what her sister just said.

"Exactly that! Aiding you in micromanaging that kid's life was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. Not to mention trying to outdo Dumbledore, a guy who's been on a pedestal so long he really thinks he knows best for everybody." Fate yelled back, "We messed up his life last time, though I'm pretty damned ashamed of myself when I look back. I'm only gonna say this once, Des; you already picked Harry Potter to finish Voldemort. Keep your nose out of the rest." She turned and limped off, a very large and painful looking welt visible on her butt-cheek, squeaking a little in pain every so often. For a moment, Destiny could have sworn she heard Fate mutter, "Stupid Order...he didn't have to spank so hard..owie.."

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For those wondering about Luna and Hermione, you'll find that out soon enough.

This chapter was inspired by Seel'vor (the idea for a battle-suit) and Rorschach's Blot (the sci-fantasy mix.)

I wonder who Harry's first victim should be..(Dumbles doesn't count this time)


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

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Harry frowned as he glanced at the clock he could see through the house's window. A quarter 'til Two ....just over ten hours until his turning Eleven again, and he was willing to bet Dumbles that he had taken his leave of the Dursley's by now, especially since one of the owls finally found him and delivered his acceptance letter. More than likely, someone was already out looking for him. If he ran into McGonagall or Hagrid, he was pretty sure he could talk to them rationally. Snape on the other hand...well, self-defense wouldn't be too hard to claim.

What he'd really have to dodge would be the Weasleys. Especially Molly and the two youngest. Knowing how the Weasley matriarch liked to be in charge all the time, she had to have been aware of it, especially if it meant bringing the 'Boy-Who-Lived' into the clan. Chaos had mentioned she had already decided he'd be 'Harry Weasley'...the fact they assumed he'd be into a redhead because his mom was one was the real deal-breaker. He didn't know what was more insulting; the fact they were implying incest or the fact they actually thought he'd go along with it.

No. Just...no.

Arthur..he was ok..just too damn henpecked to really do anything. That and they trusted Dumbledore too much for his liking.

Bill and Charlie; he had only met them a couple of times so he'd have to hold judgement.

Aside from their near perpetual love of a good practical joke, the twins seemed to be the only two in that house he knew that he could talk to in a reasonable way

Percy was just a prick, end of story

Ginny..he shuddered..that girl's obsession was waaay too unhealthy. He remembered George telling him she had decreed the BWL would be her husband..before they even bloody met! Can you say 'stalker'?

Ron. Now there was a piece of work, a short temper, sorry attitude when it came to work, and the inability to take criticism or ribbing when he was more than happy to talk shit about others. When he looked back, it disgusted him how pissed off the ginger whinger would get whenever someone else got something, like it had happened just to spite him.

What truly drove him crazy was Hermione's sudden attraction to him. Hell, they wear at each other's throats almost 24/7; then he hooked up with Lavander Brown and just like that, she was as jealous as one of Krum's fangirls when he asked her to the Tule Ball in Fourth year.

"You know if the geezer was willing to bond you with the Weasley girl without your knowledge or consent, who's to say he didn't use something similar on her." A familiar voice piped up, making Harry jump. His eyes fell on a neon green and orange tarantula that looked almost like it was...smiling at him.

"Chaos?" He let out a chuckle when the spider stood up on it's four back legs and crossed the front ones, "Wait...how'd..?"

"I have a knack for reading between the lines in body language. That and you had the same expression last time you gave yourself a migraine wondering why she got the hots for Red outta nowhere. To be honest, we both know the dope was told to buddy up with you 'cause Dumbledore and his mommy told him; that and I wouldn't be surprised if he saw you as his ticket to a little fame of his own...the close friend of the BLW. Odds are he was mostly pissed in Fourth 'cause he thought you did it without him." Chaos took a more relaxed stance, "Getting back on track, if that's the case, it kinda makes sense she was used as an incentive for him to keep it up, he gets to say he had a girlfriend before you and she carries him through school. I'll leave the 'how' up to you."

Harry looked at one of his bracers with a disturbingly calm expression, "This is going to really suck...so many complete and utter wank-biscuits and only seven years to make them all suffer in pain and humiliation."

The little spider let out a barrage of what could probably count as the arachnid equivalent of laughter, "You know a lot can happen in that time frame. Anyhoo, I just wanted to stop by and let you know one of the books we loaded into the suit is an old potions book. There's a recipe in it for one call the Aquas Vitae; trust me when I say you're gonna be wanting it."

He nodded before looking at the clock again, "Better go ahead and make my way to Gringott's. I'm gonna let the coot sweat a little about where I am before school starts."

"Sounds like fun. Guess I better split too. Later." With that, the spider turned to dust, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts. With a grunt of finality, he made a last-minute decision before apperating out of the area.

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"Dear sweet Merlin.." Dumbledore whimpered when he finally saw the full damage done; three of the devices had flown right into the bookcase, detonating on impact and taking a good few of the tomes with them. Another had hit his desk and somehow set it on fire, incinerating most of what was on the top. Except for one, the one that let him know Harry was still timid and shy, and therefore easy to mold into the person he thought the boy should be, all the items were now either in pieces or damaged beyond repair. Hoping it would show him what he wanted, he quickly tapped the item with his wand.

Nothing happened.

Growing worried, he tapped it a little harder. The faint clicking it let out told him it was still operational, but it wouldn't respond. He frowned and picked it up....

Only to have the device let out a shrill noise that sounded like "Freeeedooommm!"

Just before it exploded in his face,

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It's probably easy to tell this chapter is mostly a little back-detail and something to help give a lil preparation for later

I'm considering having him sing his own tune during the school theme, just can't decide which to use: (Could almost see Dumbles screaming 'Harry's going dark!' when he hears it)

X-Ecutioners' (Even) More Human Than Human

Sick Puppies' One of Us is Going Down, (for some reason, I find myself picturing either Flitwick or Sprout looking at their fist and saying "Why do I suddenly want to punch someone?" before looking at Snape)

or FFDP's cover of Bad Company.

(I know none of them were really out at that time, it's called creative liberty. )


	5. Chapter 5

**I should take this moment to point out the suit's glamour also applies to the glasses. I've read a lot of HP fics where his eyes are his ultimate weapon when it comes to girls. So, no sense hiding them, right? (Though he will be using their normal form when he feels like being a wiseass) **

Ch. 5.

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As the gate to Diagon Alley opened, Harry took the moment to fine tune his disguise, shifting his hair to a salt-and-pepper tone and replacing the green in his eyes with blue along with double-checking that the scar was concealed and adding a few wrinkles. A faint grin appeared on his face when people walked right by the 'little old man' without a second thought _"Wow, the alley looks a hell of a lot different when you're short again.."_ He mused, weaving his way though the groups.

Had he taken a moment to look to his left as he passed Ollivander's, he would have spotted a certain bushy-haired girl enter with McGonagall. She'd spend the next hour waving wands around until finally getting hers, though she'd be spending most of that time going over the dream she had had the previous night; a raven-haired young man with piercing green eyes, someone she couldn't help but feel she knew...and had lost once. She had woken up after that with tears in her eyes, as if she had been crying over the loss of someone she cared deeply for.

She wasn't sure why, but the name 'Harry' kepr repeating itself in her head.

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"Can't let you two have all the fun now, can I?" Luck smirked in reply to the looks Order and Chaos were giving her.

Order chuckled, "I knew there was something I liked about you."

Luck's smirk widened, "The fun's not over yet. Shhh."

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Goblins...cantankerous, grouchy, and born with a natural predisposition for violence; considering they were primarily a race of fighters, it was no surprise that they would occasionally get a tad grumpy when there wasn't much to give them a decent excuse to start something. The scuffles a couple of clans got into every now and then helped a bit, but not much. Sure they routinely dealt with wizards that felt they were entitled to having their boots licked, but it never really took more than the sound of a blade being drawn to shut them up. In this light, they had to settle for the battlefields of business, even though swords and axes weren't involved. (except as an effective tool for debt collection)

On the plus side, if there was anything they appreciated outside good business sense and a good fight (even if they were just spectators), it was common sense. Showing a goblin (at least, one that practiced it. Like all the sentient races, even they had a few morons in the bunch) a measure of civility would be responded in similar fashion at least. In short, they were mean, but reasonable.

It was this combination that caused most of the goblins working in Gringott's main area to watch with a sort of cruel amusement as Lucius Malfoy found himself laying on the bank floor, holding his face with one hand and crying like a little kid that had just been spanked. His other hand was bent at an angle it wasn't meant to be in. A few feet away stood an elderly man who was no bigger than the tallest goblin. He was standing like someone ready to throw down, making 'bring it' gestures to the down wizard.

"I dare you to say that again, bitch!"

Questioned onlookers and employees stated that the older man had entered the bank and was less than three feet away when Malfoy strode in right behind and, rather arrogantly, elbowed the older man aside, nearly knocking him over.

They thought that was that until he halfway yelled, "Oi! Didn't your momma teach you any damn manners, you mincing dipshit?!"

Naturally, that was enough to set him off, since he 'strode' back over and promptly looked down his nose at the older man. They couldn't really heard what was being said until Malfoy uttered the three words that brought about his current state..

"Your mudbloot slut.."

The moment the 't' in 'slut' left his lips, Malfoy's left wrist did a rather impressive impression of a twig breaking as the smaller man yanked him downward in a surprising display of strength. He followed up with a punch that sent the aristocrat twisting around a couple of times before smacking the marble floor. A couple of clerks couldn't resist and hollered 'Kick him!!"

Normally the guards would have stepped in, but none of them really liked the arrogant pureblood. This was funny as hell as far as they were concerned. Though a couple of medics did check and confirm his nose was thoroughly flattened. That and taking note that Malfoy's sleeve had been ripped off during the altercation, exposing something he obviously didn't want anyone to know about.

While this was happening, the old man proceeded to say something in Gobbledygook to a nearby goblin who went wide-eyed for a second before nodding and leading him through one of the office doors

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A short while later, Cornelius Fudge would be in dire need of the Heimlich Maneuver during his tea and scones when he got word that his close friend, Lucius Malfoy, had the Dark Mark and was now under arrest for being a Death Eater.

Of course, it would never cross his mind that, all the 'donations' he had received from Malfoy would be brought into question during the investigation.

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"Sorry about making that prick bleed on your floor, I just REALLY don't like that word." The old man said as Ragnok, the bank head, entered the office.

The goblin simply let out an amused grunt, "The Malfoys may be one of our larger accounts, but the man's still a tosser. Anyway, I believe you told one of the clerks, in our tongue, surprisingly, that you had news concerning someone mishandling the Potter will. You realize that is a serious charge."

"I know, but I think you'll be willing to hear me out." The old man started as the white in his hair faded away to leave a messy head of black hair, blue eyes turned green and his wrinkles faded away. Even his clothes changed, turning to sneakers, jeans and a basic t-shirt, "Because James and Lily Potter were my parents."

Normally Ragnok would have called for the guards by now, since the person in front of him proved to be a metamorph, but that thought died when he promptly gave a vow that he wasn't lying, and it took effect,

He wondered if he should ignore the fact it was done without a wand.

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Lady Luck's getting into the fun now.

Now, before anyone starts, remember, Harry's got his 11-year old body, but he still has his 19-year old mind. He caught all the crap because Dumbledore and Destiny had to get into a pissing contest about who had the rights to him; his first female friend was used to keep Weasley around, and he's still rather pissed about how he died before.

There's gonna be a time skip or two in the next chapter, so I'm saving a couple of things for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6.

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"I'm gonna throttle that bastard with his own beard! No. No..I'll set it on fire, then strangle him with it!" Harry growled, muttering other forms of pain and suffering to inflict on a certain meddlesome old man as he read his parent's will. Dumbledore, after making himself his magical guardian, had the bloody gall to tell the goblins Harry wasn't interested in it and _wanted_to live with the Dursleys..

BOLL-EFFING-OCKS!

It listed him as a witness so he knew what was in it but the lemon drop snorting son of a monkey spanker thought HE knew better for Harry then his own damn parents! The Dursleys weren't listed as people allowed to take him in. Hell, his mom and dad didn't want those people within a bloody mile of them!

He looked at who had been picked; Amelia Bones..Sirius had mentioned his dad started training in the auror corps shortly after graduating, so it made sense in a way. The head of the DMLE was an ok lady. And her niece, Susan, was pretty nice (the Chamber incident notwithstanding. For her credit she did apologize later on)

Andromeda Tonks..Sirius' cousin..at least, the one that wasn't a pureblood-obsessed nutjob aside from Nymphadora, anyway. Plus he would've gotten to know them a fair bit better.

The Longbottoms; Neville had said Frank and Alice had been friends with his parents before they had to go into hiding. He had to hold any opinions since Neville never really said a lot about them, though he couldn't really blame the guy.

Filius Flitwick? Well, his mom WAS a 'Claw, and Sirius and Remus said she excelled at charms. Plus the guy was surprisingly one of the cooler teachers at Hogwarts. (He knew it hadn't happened yet, but he still wanted to smack Slughorn for lying about her being in potions just to try and get him in his 'slug club' )

He wasn't surprised that Sirius was listed. They actually stated that they wanted him and Remus in his life regardless of who he went to live with. It said they would've added him to the list but werewolf laws made it illegal. He knew Dumbledore had used those laws to make sure he stayed away for the last eleven years, unfortunately the bastard would dance and double-talk around an accusation like that.

The fact that he was pretty much shoved out of sight from the wizarding world did not earn the old geezer any points in his book. He was sure none of the people listed were aware of the contents, something Dumbles was probably too glad to make sure it stayed that way..

What really pissed Harry off was that Dumbledore had reason to believe Sirius wasn't guilty but didn't raise a damn finger in his defense..he'd have to think up something creative and painful for the MOB for that. There was a part that looked like it was added later stating that Pettrigrew had been the real secret-keeper while Sirius was acting as a decoy. Ragnok confirmed it was James Potter's writing.

One thing that caught his attention was that he was also to recieve all his parents' personal effects from Godric's Hallow. Remembering that Dumbledore had been the last to have the invisibility cloak, he promptly authorized the goblin to use any means he had to get any items the old man had away from him, "Shove a hornet nest up his ass if you have to!" As he put it.

When he came to the assets and saw what it all totaled, Ragnok could almost hear the gears coming to a screeching halt, "That's a lot of zeros..."

The goblin snickered, "Yes, the Potters had a tendency to squirrel away things here and there. But it all adds up in the end. And since you are the last, it all belongs to you. Dumbledore had used his 'guardianship' to try and get things signed over to him; for 'safekeeping' as he claimed. He wasn't too thrilled to learn that the transaction has to be approved by both transferer and transferee. That and the vaults would have locked him in if he tried to enter them on his own."

Harry couldn't resist and began to cackle evily, "I'm rich! Screw 'rich', I'm freakin' LOADED! And that bastard can't get to one bronze knut." His grin widened when he saw what else was there, "I get a mansion too!?"

Ragnok looked over a file he had brought with the will, "Ah, you great-great-grandfather, Cadmus Potter's home. A two-hundred and seven-room manor and eleven-room guest home over seventy-five acres I recall Fudge once tried to claim it in the ministry's name before he was elected, saying it was fair game since no one had lived there in the last ninety years." The goblin grinned himself, "He forgot property laws require that it has to be signed over by living family members. He didn't want to do that, almost cost the idiot his job."

"Too bad his luck held out." Harry muttered, mostly to himself. The man was an embarrassment even by politician standards. As he thought up other insults for him, Ragnok set a small box on the desk, "What's that?"

"The Potter family ring. Since you are the last, that entitles you to become Lord Potter. Simply place it on your left hand to accept."

Opening the box revealed a gold ring with a P-shaped emerald set in it. The piece of jewelry seemed to pulsate slightly as he took it out. Harry looked to see an inscription etched around it in German; _'__Gehen Sie auf Ihren eigenen Weg' _

_"Walk your own path. Heh, oddly fitting." _He mused after getting the translation. He slipped it on and felt the ring let out one final intense pulse before going still, "Cool."

"Congratulations, Lord Potter. You should know that by accepting it, you are also now legally emancipated. Of course, the will states those were to happen anyway, so that's moot."

"This is gonna be interesting." Harry admired the ring for a moment before rolling the will back up, "Thanks, Ragnok. Guess I'd better check out my new home. Um, where exactly is it anyway?" He was still stoked about sticking it to the old goat until he told him where he could find the Potter estate.

His reaction: "Ah shit.."

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A few days later, the Daily Prophet ran one of its biggest headlines since Voldemort's defeat.

**Cornelius Fudge Friends With Death Eater!**

W_itnesses to Lucius Malfoy's recent trouncing at Gringott's were surprised enough at the sight of him taken down with one strike. What was even more shocking was when the sleeve of his robe ripped away to expose an image that sent chills through anyone that saw it; the Dark Mark._

_Malfoy was promptly arrested. After his nose was repaired enough to let him talk clearly, he admitted under Veritaserum that he was a member of You-Know-Who's inner circle and considered himself one of his most loyal followers. During questioning, aurors were somewhat startled when he said he personally recruted members, namely one Petter Pettigrew. He cited that as one of his more enjoyable choices, since it turns out that Pettigrew, and not Sirius black, was the Secret-Keeper for James and Lily Potter, and the man willingly told the Dark Lord where they were._

_It was also revealed that Fudge had accepted several bribes from Malfoy to ensure that certain laws were enforced or ignored according to his interests. Needless to say, both of them will be spending quite a bit of time together in adjacent cells._

_In light of this, members of both the Wizengamut and ICU have called for retrials of those that had been released on claims of being under Imperious. Black has also been placed on the list to receive one._

_The elderly man that set this all in motion has been sought after for an interview and possible reward. However, no one has seen him since that moment and his name is unknown._

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Chronos let loose with a belly laugh as he tweaked a few separate timelines, "Damn, Luck! You don't do anything halfway, do you?"

Meanwhile, Destiny was not having a good time. It was bad enough keeping her Chosen One on the path she wanted without that man trying to change things just because HE said so! And on top of that, Fate, her own sister, was refusing to help...all because she got in trouble with Order.

"I'm Destiny, dammit! This isn't supposed to be turning out like this!" She knew if she didn't do something, the whole prophecy she applied would go down the crapper beyond recovery.

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Harry, however, was unaware of what was taking place. He was currently trying to figure out how the hell he was going to live at the estate without certain neighbors learning he was there.

Turns out the estate was in Ottery St. Catchpole, less than a mile from the Burrow.

"I'll say it again..AH SHIT!"

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Voter time again!

Time to decide if Luna's Mom will be around,. The Quibbler will still be going, so no worries there.

Just so you know, the Beings (not sure what elce to call them really) will mostly provide running commentary every now and ten, Order and Chaos'll be the ones actually interacting with Harry for the most part, mainly recommending ways to drive certain people ape-shit.

And now for something completely different:

"Hugo Ronald...Albus Severus?!" Harry hollered as he lobbed the offending book aside, "Rowling! What in the seven shades of twatting shite were you smoking when you wrote this!? I wouldn't name my worst enemy after those nobsocks!" He noted the hardback had banked off Draco Malfoy's face and made a point to trod on him as he stalked off.

(Not exactly funny, but I think I might make a challenge out of this.)


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 7

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"Remember, you two owe me." Chronos said, taking the end cap off an individual timeline and erasing the number underneath, "I'm breaking almost a dozen of my own rules doing this. Plus Death's gonna bitch about it for who knows how long."

"Trust me, big guy, this is definately going to make things a lot more interesting." Love gave him her best 'I'm cute and harmless' face.

Luck grinned as she scribbled something onto the line, "Besides, who was the one that thought giving him giving him almost twenty years of useless pop culture knowledge as an eleventh birthday present would be a good idea?"

"All right, all right, just make sure the boss doesn't find out." Chronos rubbed the bridge of his nose, wondering how he let those two talk him into this.

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Alyssia Lovegood liked to consider her life idyllic; a small quiet town, husband and daughter she loved very much...though Xenoalways was a tad odd (She never did find out how he managed to find robes that made Dumbledore's look conservative sometimes), and a job she enjoyed. Granted when she got pregnant, she had to quit working at the Dept. of Mysteries but was still able to keep her old job of spell research.

The only thing she wouldn't mind changing was how often he was at home. As the owner, editor, and primary reporter for The Quibbler, Xeno spent a considerable amountof time traveling around for news and stories. Because of that, and his desire to track down a live crumple-horn snorkak, he only came home for a couple of days every month or so

Thankfully, her daughter took it all in stride. She had encouraged Luna to make friends with the few people in the area but that didn't turn out as well as she had hope. The Weasleys were the closest, but something about most of them rubbed her the wrong way. Ginny and Luna would sometimes play together there or at the Burrow, but the girl would always insist they play 'marrage'; with her being the bride every time and the groom was Harry Potter. The last time they played that Luna asked she could be the bride once and Ginny flat out screamed at her, saying only she got to marry Harry, though in a less polite way. That was also the time either girl spoke to each other.

She knew it was wrong to think in that manner, but she just didn't like Ronald. The boy had been the first to slap Luna with that distasteful nickname. 'loony'. He only got worse when Luna revealed she was capable of viewing animals and creatures composed of magic. While everyday magical people could see magical animals, not all were able to see ones made totally of it. Unfortunately, like most, the idea didn't conform with his ideas and so he decided she was out of her mind and made sure people knew that's what he thought.

However, that particular August 3nd her normal routine was brought to an abrupt halt when a sudden cry from Luna broke the morning quiet. Acting on parental instinct, Alyssia charged outside to where the soundoriginated, wand out and ready. When she got closer, the sound became clearer, revealing that instead of screaming, Luna was letting a squeal.

A surprisingly happy squeal at that. The sight that greeted her when she reached the spot forced her to fight back a batch of giggles:

Luna was, at that moment, latched on to a somewhat surprised boy; hugging him as tight as she could and squealing, "Harry! You're back!"

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Albus Dumbledorewas not a happy man at the moment. First he lost the devices he had keyed into Potter, then the blood ward around Privet Drive fell along with the anti-wizard ones he had placed when he left the boy on the doorstep. Then, those darn goblins came saying he had no right to the property he had taken from Godric's Hallow. He needed those items for the reward system he had planned for Harry! He would get it back as long as he performed his tasks as he should.

And that wasp nest was completelyuncalled for! He had enough bloody trouble walking around as is!

To add insult to injury, they had the nerve to fine him for interfering with the Potter's will! Didn't they realize Harry would only grow up spoiled and arrogant around all that wealth!? It was imperative he be modest to help keep him in the light!

As if that was wasn't bad enough, neither Hagrid or any of the teachers had been able to locate the boy. When the Dursleys were questioned, the twits spent most of the time complaining about how he dared to run off and leave them to do all the work. He almost had physically drag Filius out when he looked ready to beat Petunia senseless with a nearby vase after she called Lily an ingrate for having a child then leaving them to deal with it.

And the cherry on top of this fubar sundae; Black would be getting a retrial. They'd no doubt use truth serum this time and that would make things an even bigger nuisance.

He sighed as he sat down. After screaming and letting loose with a few choice cuss words, he applied several cushioning charms _then_sat down. To coin a muggle term: this really sucked!

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Poor Dumbles, just can't catch a break, can he?

This is mostly stuff I had planned to put in the last chapter but couldn't decided how to add it; so it's a filler for now.

You'll get to see what happened prior to this next time.

I don't remember exactly who suggested, but they recommended the pop culture knowledge. You'll get to see him spout some of it soon..

Saying of the day:

Ron is like a gyroscope; the only time he shows any real activity is when you get him all wound up (which never seems that hard to do, actually.).


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

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Earlier that morning.

*Squawk!"

"Hed, keep it down! Last thing I want is to let them know I'm here!" Harry whispered to the snowy owl perched on his shoulder. She simply gave the lopsided house as cold a glare as she could.

Harry could only shake his head; he didn't know how, he didn't know why, but he was certain Order, Chaos, or one of their pals had a hand in the bird acting like she did when he entered the owl shop while getting his things. She had flown down and settled on his shoulder the moment he entered as if she had been waiting for him.

Outside of that, he let it be. Looking a gift horse in the mouth wasn't his style anyway.

For now his biggest problem lay thirty feet away from his present location

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Some back info is required before we continue. Apparently, Cadmus was a staunch believer of home security, a VERY staunch believer. Turned out that the will had the ONLY outside info about the manor. Everything else was secured in a vault inside the manor itself, which was under numerous heavy wards. The full estate was covered with anti-porkey, anti-appiration, and multiple 'notice-me-not' charms and was Unplottable to boot.

Merlin, was it a manor or a bloody fortress!?

Prior to his exit of the bank, Ragnok let him know that only the ring would allow him to bypass the wards onto the property. Of course, he decided to be a wiseass and conveniently left out that it'd put him right in front of the door. A few minutes of cussing and rubbing his sore face later, after abruptly tasting varnished walnut, he was greeted by a pair of rather surly-looking house elves. Though they perked up at the sight of the ring on his finger and quickly let him in.

The two elves soon revealed themselves as grand-kids of the group that were in Cadmus' service: Hugo and Mongo. Harry quickly took a liking to the duo, they had a sense of humor on par with Sirius. After a brief tour of the manor, Harry's remembered Chaos' suggestion: the Aquis Vitae.

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The Aquis Vitae, better known as The Vital Waters, was described as repairing long-term damage from disease, malnutrition and the like. It wasn't as bad as ones like Polyjuice and Felix Felicis, needing only a a few days to brew.

The ingrediants..well, they were another story...

"Mongo, while I shred the dried acromantula meat, I need you to mix the powered unicorn horn into the mineral oil and pour it in slowly. After that we wait and see if it turns orange like the directions say." Harry said as he took a carving knife to the chunk of pale grey jerky in front of him.

"Right, Chief." The elf responded, mixing up the liquid.

Before he could add it, Hugo piped up from the supply rack, "Uh, Chief? We got a little problem...no gnome hair."

Harry froze mid-chop. The hairs were one of the last ingredients to add to the potion. "Wha? You sure? Third from the left, fourth rack?"

"Nope.." Hugo held up an empty box, "Nada."

Harry immediately felt nauseous. There was only one place he knew ot that gnomes could be found..

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It was that place he was now looking at with Hedwig: the Burrow.

A groan escaped his lips; this was the last place he wanted to be, now or any other time. Unfortunately, it was a necessary evil for now. He had Hedwig settle on top of the outhouse the family stored their brooms in and

"All right, If i remember correctly, their eating lunch right about now. Which means Arthur'll be coming out to the garage to fiddle with his collection afterwards, so we gotta be fast." Moving as quickly and quietly as possible, he scurried over the stone wall surrounding the property. Hedwig hopped onto it to act as lookout while he scanned the area for their target.

Molly Weasley was visable through one of the windows. Thankfully, her attention was focused on scolding the twins for putting hot pepper on Ron's sandwich when he wasn't looking.

He did his best to muffle his laughing at the redhead's expression before spying his target; a gnome busy trying to uproot a turnip from the garden. A quick stunner and Harry was soon kneeling beside it, box and scissors in hand.

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Unfortunately, that was when Destiny saw an opening of her own. She was still pissed at the others for ripping her hard work to shreds, but here was a moment to get things back on her track. She had already intended the friendship with Harry to make Ron a better person...it wasn't her fault Dumbledore bribed the boy. Either way, she saw this as she chance and she'd be damned if she was gonna let it slip away. A quick nudge was all it'd take...

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Ginny rolled her eyes at the antics of her older brothers, sometimes she couldn't help but wonder if she was adopted. Looking for something to take her attention away from them, she glanced out the window near her mother. When she did, she caught a rather odd sight.

"Mum, why is there a boy in the yard..cutting hair off one of the gnomes?

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"Well, that's one down." He said to himself, tossing the small wad of hair into the box. It was probably enough, but he wanted to be sure and started hunting for gnome two.

Or he would have id Hedwig did let loose with a warning screech. Harry gulped when he looked at what had cause her to do that.

Less than six feet away, Molly Weasley was looking straight at him through the now open window, "Ah, bollocks!"

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Before anyone starts on me about how long it's been or the length...I've been back in school and between work and such, I haven't had a lotta time to worry about these.

As for length. I'm worried that my comp might be reaching its end (close to five years is pretty old for a comp) And I'm figuring it's best I get something up in case something does happen.

So..now it's a toss up if Harry should try talking his way out of things, or possibly lead some of the Weasleys on a little chase.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch 9.

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Harry's PoV:

_It was __supposed__ to be quick; sneak in, shave a couple of gnomes and be out before any of them knew it._

_But nooo...someone just HAD to pick that time to look out the window_

_Shite.._

_And it just had to be Molly Weasley of all people..._

_Double shite.._

_To top it off, I realized I had neglected to alter my appearance, thinking I'd be gone before any of them suspected._

_Bugger me..._

_With that fubar trifecta, I resorted to the first thing i could think of:_

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Regular PoV:

Molly stared at the boy currently standing in the yard. For a moment she was ready to simply shoo him away until she caught sight of the scar on his forehead. She could barely believe her luck, the Boy-Who-Lived was less than two yards away! The one she had chosen to be a husband for her Ginny, It was then a voice in the back of her head spoke up, "_He's alone, and probably scared half to death. The poor child needs someone!"_

"You poor thing!" She cried out out, rushing outside to him.

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Destiny smiled to herself when she saw the Weasley matriarch head out to Harry. Once he was with them, everything would settle down. It didn't hurt that she gave her that little push.

Unfortunately, she was so wrapped up in her 'victory' she didn't notice Luck and her sister Fortune coming up behind her.

Or that they were both wielding large paddles with 'Ass Wacker 5000' emblazoned on them.

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Likewise with Molly, she had expected to scoop the boy up in her arms. What she got was something else entirely.

As soon as she was about to reach him, Harry screamed.

"AAAAHHHH!! Evil flaming-head woman!" He yelled, promptly throwing a hex that turned her hair into a bright purple afro before turning to run like a hell hound was after him.

"Molly, what in Merlin's name...?" Arthur came up behind her, only to come to a screetching halt and shove his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing. The twins, who were right behind him, simply laughed themselves sick at their mothers new hairdo.

"You've scared him!" She snapped, glaring at the laughing boys and her husband, "He's just a child! He'll get himself hurt out there! Come on, we have to find him!" With that, she took off after him.

Arthur watched as his wife, along with his youngest son (though he looked more outraged at what had happened to his mother than anything else) took off after the boy, "Fred, George, come on. We better go and make sure those two don't do anything crazier then what they're doing now." With that the three quickly followed.

Meanwhile, Harry was somewhat freaked to learn that the pudgy woman was rather quick on her feet, "What the hell, lady!?" He yelled, ignoring the reprimand she tried to call out for swearing, "Get away from me!"

"Stop this foolishness right now, young man! You need parental guidance!"

That one had her falling down into a heap from the jelly-legs jinx he managed to hit her with.

"What I need is to get away from the crazy lady!" He replied, cutting through a bush to lose her. Then he heard Ron's favorite saying, 'Bloody hell!' Taking a peek out from his hiding spot. _" Oh, I got your 'Bloody hell' here, you douche!" _ He muttered to himself, firing off another spell at him while he was still looking at his mom. As soon as it hit, he bolted off into the woods, hoping they didn't spot him.

"Mum! You all right?" Ron asked, wondering why her legs were acting so weird.

"Do I LOOK all right!?" She shrieked, trying to stand back up. When she turned to give the rather dense boy one of her patented 'Molly-glares', the color drained from her face and she let rip with a scream, "Ronald! What in Merlin's name happened to you?!"

Ron Weasley now looked like a hardcore sports fan; his skin, clothes, even his hair was now green and silver, complete with the word 'Slytherin 4 Life!' scrawled on his painted face.

Arthur, on the other hand, lost his composure and fell to the ground beside the twins laughing himself sick. Didn't know why he thought that was funny, but he was too busy clutching his sides to care.

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"Bloody, buggering, nob-socked shite!" Harry swore when his legs finally refused to run any more, He didn't have a clue how long or far he had gone, as long as none of the Weasleys were following him. No way in hell was he going to let them know how he got there in the first place.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that, Harry." The voice of Order piped up beside his head. He looked over to see a robin-sized black and white hornet hovering beside him, "Destiny tried to get sneaky on us. She 'encouraged' Molly to go out after you."

"Why that little..." Harry started wondering the ethical implications of trying to cast dispersions on the parentage, sexuality, and mental state of an ethereal being.

Order laughed, "Don't worry, Luck and Fortune are dealing with her about that. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson. Oh! Speaking of Fortune, she asked me to give you this." The hornet flicked its stinger towards Harry and what looked like three indigo colored washers fell into his hand.

"What are these?" He looked at the items in confusion.

"That's the positive Karma you built up from last time that didn't get used. I never really bothered to learn too much about it myself, but she said to use one, just say what you need it for and flip it up like a coin. Anyway, I just dropped in to let you know about that. One more thing..you know Luna's place is about a hundred and fifty feet that way, right?" He added, pointing a leg towards a nearby hill before fading away

Harry started at the Karma for sec before stuffing them into a pocket, "Guess it can't hurt to have a little good fortune on your side." With that, he marched over the hill. The moment he spotted the rook-shaped home of the Lovegoods in the distance, he couldn't help but grin, "Waddaya know?"

It took him a few minutes to close the distance since his legs were still aching from his run but when he got close enough he spotted a familiar little girl with dirty blonde hair walking around one of the trees in the yard. Her head was craned back like she was trying to spot something in the branches. A brief smile crossed his face, _"Luna."_

He remembered last time she had told him about the wards surrounding the house that denied access to those with hostile intentions towards the property or occupants, so he was grateful when they allowed him entry. He scooted up a little before speaking up, "Hi, you loose something up there?"

"Oh, I'm seeing if any Nargles have gotten into the mistletoe growing on this tree.." She turned around as she spoke, but stopped abruply when they were face to face. The sudden squeal of 'Harry!' followed by her pounce wasn't what he was expecting.

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I had intended to have Harry lead the Weasleys on a chase through the woods; sadly, stuff like that doesn't really translate well to writing. Though I still intend to have Harry mess with them over the course of things.


	10. Chapter 10

**When Snape gets mad enough to soil himself, an angel gets their wings.**

Ch. 10.

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"Um..uh...hehe.." Harry chuckled nervously from his position under the rather happy blonde, his attention focused mostly on the wand in the woman's hand, "You're probably wanting an explanation."

"That would be appreciated, especially as to why Luna is latched onto a boy I've never met." She responded, her cocked eyebrow belying her amusement at the sight; Luna was currently nuzzling his chest, a rather wide grin on her face. It's was then she noticed the familiar scar on his forehead, "Harry Potter? Well, this puts an interesting twist on the matter. Luna's been waiting for you to show up sooner or later."

"You were expecting me..?" He asked, caught off-guard by the announcement.

"I believe it was that dream she had a few days ago. Something about a recap of what had happened during the next seven years at Hogwarts. What were their names again...Luck...?"

"Luck and Love, Mum." Luna piped up, "They explained everything, remember?"

"Oh, right." The woman took on a sheepish expression before it was replaced with a scowl, "I've known that man was always a bit full of himself, but who the blazes does he think he is to pull something like that! One-sided bonding rituals have been outlawed since the bloody Crusades!"

"I'd offer a few suggestions, but I dunno if you want Luna to add those words to her vocabulary right now. Though you can bet I'm gonna make sure it bites him in the butt this go around." Harry replied. "To be honest, I'm kinda surprised you're both taking things so calmly."

"Well, the Lovegoods have a knack for being a bit more open-minded then most, dear. This is par for the course."

"Oh, well, that works for me." It was then he remembered the hair, "Well, I'd love to stick around longer, but I a potion cooking back home that's waiting for this gnome hair."

Alyssia watched as the two got back to their feet, eyeing the wad of hair, "Not really familiar with any potions that would require anything from yard gnomes."

"Yeah, it's a little on the obscure side." He quickly turned his attention to Luna, relieved that they (especially her) were accepting him as well as they were, "I'll be back as soon I can, ok, Luna?"

"I'm holding you to that, Mister." She stated, poking him lightly in the chest before watching him leave and calling out, "I for one will be buggered if I lose my boyfriend a second time before I even get to go out with him!"

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Finally getting back home, Harry threw the hair into the cauldron as soon as he was in range, "That was close."

"You ok, Chief?" Mongo asked, giving him the once over.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Had a run in with the Weasleys, but thankfully I lost them. Just glad they don't know about this place." He watched the orange concoction slowly stop bubbling and turn translucent. The liquid was clear enough to see the cauldron bottom.

He checked the directions one more time, "All right, now we just bung some of it into a flask and let it cool down to a drinkable temperature." He watched as a girl elf named Charley did just that, it was hard not to admire how it sparkled inside the container. After a little while, feeling the glass let him know it was ready and he downed it.

"Hm, tastes like a cheeseburger..." He said, smacking his lips. At least, before crumpling in an unconscious heap.

The elves looked at their currently snoring boss in confusion.

"Was it supposed to do that?" Hugo asked.

Charley shrugged and lightly prodded him.

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"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT!" Molly's head shrieked from the fireplace in his office, nearly giving the man a cardiac.

"Molly? What are you doing...?" He started but was quickly cut off

"HARRY POTTER WAS IN OUR YARD NOT THIRTY MINUTES AGO!"

Dumbledore's glasses nearly fell off his pointed nose, "H-Harry..?"

"YOU SAID HE WAS SAFE, AND I FIND HIM WANDERING AROUND OUT HERE! HE'S JUST A CHILD FOR MERLIN...!"

"MOLLY!" Dumbledore yelled, trying to get a word in edgewise, "I believe you're mistaken. There is no way Harry Potter can be anywhere near Ottery St. Catchpole right now."

"Don't you tell me I'm seeing things!" She barked, thankfully she had stopped hollering at least, "I saw the scar and everything! It's obvious he was scared out of his wits! He managed to hit us with a bust of accidental magic!"

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"_Accidental_?" Order gave the woman an incredulous look, "Then what the hell did he blast her son with! Crimney!"

Chaos simply shrugged, "Think she'd let us have some of whatever she's smoking if we asked nicely?"

"HELL NO! Remember the last time you did that? El Dorado ring a bell?"

"Oh come on! I said I was sorry!"

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_"This doesn't make any sense...how in Merlin's name could he be that far from Privet Drive?" _Once again he bemoaned the loss of his trackers; they were so far beyond repair that even the Elder Wand couldn't put them back to rights, "Wait...thirty minutes?..And you're telling me NOW?"

"It took us that long just to undo what his magic did to us!"

For a moment, Dumbledore could have sworn he heard one of the twins call out 'Speak for yourself, mum!' before she yelled at them to hush, "Is he in the room with you?" He asked, praying she answered in the affirmative so he could do immediate damage control.

"Albus! I told you, he was terrified! The poor child ran off before I could reach him, screaming something about fire and flames! I insisted we go looking, but Arthur," Her tone left no doubt that she laying blame squarely at the man's feet, "Felt contacting you would be the best thing."

Arthur's exasperated voice quickly chimed in, "Molly, that's because we lost sight of him while you were panicking about Ron's face. Even if we had gone after him, given how he reacted, don't you think he might've taken it as a hostile act?"

"That's not the point Arthur...!"

"Molly! Calm down, I'll be over there momentarily, perhaps we can pick up the trail. He couldn't have gotten far in thirty minutes."

If he had taken a moment before closing the link to remember how far Devon is from Surrey, he would've reconsidered saying that.

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*takes a cleansing breath* aw man..it feels good to get this one out of the literary basement

Considering throwing in a time skip in the next chapter, since the rest of the summer'll mostly just Harry getting his body to normal with the Aquis Vitae and spending some quality time with Luna wile Dumble's tries to figure out how he got away from the Dursleys.

Though, I wonder if I should have him hit up Ollivander's for the wand, use that for class and save the suit for unabashed mayhem.


End file.
